…I am waiting, should I be waiting?
and I am wanting, should I be wanting?
when all around me…”
Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting things, things to fulfill me, accomplishments to make me feel good about myself. I feel guilty because when I look around me, and notice what I already have… home, food, clothes, people I love, I feel like I should just be happy with what I have…and I am…but I still want things. Then I decided something. Wanting is a good thing. Having goals and desires keeps us going…keeps us moving forward and growing, to be better, to try harder, to have dreams – and to realize that we can reach those dreams if we want them bad enough, if we are willing to work hard to get them. So many times I feel like I am foolish and crazy, and wonder “what am I doing out here, trying to shoot photos in the mud, and the ice, and the freezing cold.” I begin to think that my work is no good, and that I can’t possibly succeed at this. But then I remember that that is just the doubt and fear that all of us feel at times, when we try to do something different, something risky, something with an unknown outcome. And that doubt and fear is created by me. The fear of failing, or feeling a fool. But I keep on doing it. Why? Because I want it, even though all around me I have so much already.
Surrounding the girl in my image are the gifts of life…light, love, nature, but she is still wanting, and waiting and hoping. I don’t know exactly what the meaning is behind this song, and I suppose I could have tried to Google it, but sometimes that influences my vision and direction, so I didn’t do that. Instead, this is the image that appears to me and I hope they don’t mind if I am way off base. It’s just the way I see it.
I chose The Decemberists’ new song “A Beginning Song” because I am admittedly temporarily obsessed with it – the lyrics, the melody, the message, the music, the grandness of the ending. A huge thank you to The Decemberists. Your talent amazes and inspires me! Turn it way Up!!